• Police Dad

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Well, I hope so anyway!

I've had to take a short break while we packed up and moved our home 1 1/2 hours East. I am finally a legitimate East Texan. I'm not sure where the cut-off point is, probably somewhere between Canton and Lindale, but I assure you we now meet the criteria.

Moving SUCKS! In case any of you haven't partaken in that wonderful activity in a while and have forgotten how much of a joy it is. But we have finally reached a point where we can actually walk through the house.....and garage......and shop. Yes, we have a lot of worthless shit that we can't seem to let go of just like everyone else, but I would stack up our pile of Sanford & Son treasures against anybody who wants a challenge. Hell, my beautiful bride's clothes alone made the shocks on my truck cuss me out.

As you can imagine, I have been working on a honey-do list that is approximately 3.6 miles long, give or take a few feet, which has led me to our next regular series on this page entitled "Ain't That A Bitch!". I promise you I have uttered those words no less than 13,000 times in the last 7 days. It has become my catch-phrase, my anthem, my mindset.

Of course, I have to say these relaxing words under my breath most of the time because I have throwed-off children who will tell their Momma that Daddy was saying bad words and then, without hesitation, proudly repeat those exact words whenever the moment strikes them. They come by this naturally ; when their older sister was about 3 years old, her MawMaw smashed her finger and let fly a hearty "oh shit!". You guessed it, the next words out of my precious baby's mouth was "Aw Chit!". Now this is especially gratifying to me because my mother was constantly preaching at me to watch my language around her granddaughter. I have never let her forget it either!

Back to today's session of "Ain't That A Bitch!"

How about when you spend 2 hours....TWO HOURS!....trying to install 3 smart switches into one box on the wall for your bride, and then, after those 2 anxiety and anger-filled hours you end up back exactly where you started with 3 old ugly regular switches on the wall? The job should have taken 15 minutes, but.....and that's a heavy "but", due to the way the switch is wired, I couldn't get more than one of them to work. Oh, and did I mention that I absolutely HATE electricity? Now, everyone say it with me together...............Ain't That A Bitch!

OR, how about when you are cleaning out the garage (where a ton of stuff is stacked up because there is nowhere else to put it yet) and you pick up a heavy box off the floor then you almost drop it, so you turn and sit it down on one of your bride's little round tables and you instantly hear the snap, crackle, and pop of wood as one of the legs breaks? Uh-Huh, y'all say it with me......Ain't That A Bitch!

Oh yeah.......she doesn't know that yet, so keep it between us.

And one more for today's session. How about when you open the fridge in the garage and you notice the light is not working. Being the dutiful husband and father that you are, you go in and grab a new light bulb and head back to the fridge to finish up your small, but important, task. So when you get to the fridge, you realize that you forgot to turn on the garage light so you can see, no problem at all, just reach up in there and feel around for the socket.


44 views0 comments

©2019 by Fruit Loops in the Dryer Vent. Proudly created with