My Biggest Weakness As A Dad
Have you ever heard of the word "iatrophobia"? No? Me either, but I suffer from a form of it.
Iatrophobia is the irrational fear of doctors; fear of going to the doctor; or fear of taking your child to the doctor.
Yep, it's that last one that set up camp in my brain.
When my first-born Angel was about 3-years old, she had to have major surgery. They had to go in and rebuild her little tubes that go from the kidney to the bladder. That experience traumatized me. It haunts me to this day; and that was about 24-years ago.
Fast-forward to the last 9-years that I have been married to my amazing bride. We have 2 beautiful children; and up until yesterday, I had never taken either one of them to the doctor.
I had never even gone with them when she took them to the doctor!
Don't misunderstand what I am saying, I am not proud of this fact at all. I'm being as serious as an infected pee-pee with bullhead clap when I tell you that I have a legitimate problem with this.
Due to circumstances beyond our control, my bride is out of town during the week for work. This leaves me at home alone with my children M-F 24/7. Now, I'm not gonna lie to y'all; this situation is not ideal, because...well, because I pretty much suck at the whole single-parenting thing. I'm a pretty good Dad when my bride is here to tell me what to do, but when she bails on me shit goes south pretty quick.
I mean...they think they have to eat every single day! They're always wanting to wear clean clothes! (I mean damn, do what I always did and throw the stuff your wearing in the dryer for a few minutes and you can get another 3 or 4 days out of it!). They come home and have freakin homework I have to ask them about; they have papers from teachers that I have to read and sign. I'm always forgetting to go get the little one from his friends house down the street and have to walk down there in my pajamas when I remember him. I forget to tell the boy to go to bed at the right time, and they always need money for lunch and crap. It's all just a big pain in the ass!
But I digress...
So yesterday morning I get the cranky one and little man up to get ready for school. Everything is good, little man seems to be his same ole hungry-ass self, chowing down on Cherry Pop-Tarts and Jack Daniels or something, I don't know it was early. I get him on the school bus and head to library for my morning constitutional. Another successful morning; or so I thought.
An hour and a half later my phone rings. On the other end of the line was the absolutely stunning Miss Erica (my bride's cousin) who informs me that the school just called her and told her that little man is in the nurses office with a fever. Why did they call her you ask? It's a long story so let's just say that she has my bride's old cellphone number and the school thought they were calling her.
My baby is sick and I'm home alone...CRAP!
I just don't handle my kids being sick very well at all. That is my kryptonite. That is my "worst case scenario". That, my friends, just sucks!
I am ashamed of the things that went through my mind at that moment...
-Call mom, she will come take him to the doctor. So what if she needs a wheelchair to get around and lives 45 minutes away!
-Call mom-in-law, she will come take him. So what if she's at work and can't leave, she can find another job if they fire her!
-Wait a minute, they called Ericka so technically she should take him!
-What about his Paw-Paw or his Poppa...he is their pride and joy grandson, one of them will come take him! It doesn't matter that they are almost an hour away and working.
But, in the end, I was able to place my son's needs ahead of my fears, and I took him to the doctor where he was quickly diagnosed with a left ear infection and Strep.
A conversation that may, or may not have, taken place in the clinic...
Dr.- Mr. Black are you feeling alright? You are awful pale.
Me- Yes ma'am, I'm fine. What the hell are we waiting for? Can we go?
Dr.- We're just waiting for the nurse to bring your note for school.
Me- She ain't got no email?? You know they allow that now.
Dr.- (Smiling at me) She will be right here Mr. Black. Give us a call if he isn't better by Friday.
Me- If he isn't better by Friday, then his Momma is gonna teleport her ass back to Sunnyvale, Texas quick, fast, and in a hurry! I can promise you that!
Dr.- Are you sure you're feeling alright?
Me- Which way is the exit??
Back at the house, I get little man set up on the couch with his pillows, blanket, juice, and Ipad, but he felt so bad he didn't even tough his Ipad. He went to sleep for a little bit and I had finally stopped shaking. It seemed to be going alright............................................ and then it happened.
Daddy, I feel like I'm gonna frow-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppppppp!!!!!!
Explosive-flying-high velocity-green vomit flying across the living room. It smelled like Tropical Fruit Capri-Sun. Dogs are barking. I'm screaming at them to shut the hell up. Lights are flashing. Bells are going off. I jump up to run to get something for him to throw-up into but bust my ass after slipping on the dog's fluffy squirrel toy! The squeaker went off when I landed on it.
I jump to my feet and take off again looking for a towel, a bucket, one of my bride's purses, anything to catch some of it; but it was too late.
I stopped and looked around the living room. The house was silent, you could have heard a feather hit the floor. Chairs are turned over. Lamps are upside down. Couch cushions are stuck in the window blinds. The ceiling fan is swinging back and forth. One of my shoes is in the branches of the fake plant and the other one is on the dining room table. One of them is now green. One of the dogs is peeking out from under a blanket on the floor; all I can see of the other one is his tail sticking out from under a chair.
My baby boy is standing there without a speck of green on him. He's looking at me like Erkle.......Did I do thaaaat?
We miss you honey... We really miss you.