• Police Dad

The Devil Himself Farted In Our New House.

Hello again everybody! I have been away from the computer for awhile due to the good Lord punishing me. Well, we were moving to our new house so, same thing. Anyway, I am back for a short post before I dive back in again as we are nowhere near done. We can't even see done. Hell, we can't even imagine done yet!

Today I'd like to tell you about the nastiest, dirtiest, most funkified, and disgusting people that walk this earth. If you have been wondering where they are, look no further, I can point you in the right direction. I know where they are; I just bought a house from them.

Ladies and gentlemen, the house we purchased is great, we love that we got the funk out of it! I'm not talking about your run of the mill regular funk, nooooo, I'm talking about a special kind of toe-jam funk from hell. I'm talking about "ain't washed yo ass in two weeks" kind of funk. I'm talking about having 3 giant dogs living in the house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and never being taken outside, or bathed, kind of funk.

This devil's-dog-from-hell-smell had embedded itself into the wall paint people! I'm speaking truth now. Before we bought the house, we made them have it professionally cleaned, and when we arrived, the cleaning crew had been at it for 9 HOURS guys! Literally, nine hours of cleaning. When they left the house smelled spring-time fresh! We were happy. The funk was dead!

Then we came back the next morning to begin moving in and the smell had resurrected itself overnight. The funk was alive! This funk beat Lysol's ass like it stole from him! When we brought our two small (clean) pups to the new place, they walked up to the front door and took one sniff....looked at each other......then they both looked at me....and then they started walking away! As the passed me the cocky one said "OH HELL NO! We're going back to the truck. You clean that shit up and give us a call when you have us a clean place to live". They actually said that to me!

Well, to make a long story short, we have ripped all the carpet out of the bedroom closets and are priming and painting all the walls, and I am happy to say the funk has finally been defeated. But I'm calling in a priest just in case.

There will be more stories to follow about this move, including how my beautiful bride was cursing me out because of a few little old police patches, and the story of the dogs that ate an entire 6-foot wooden fence.

Y'all stay safe and healthy!


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