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Things I've Learned During The Quarantine

Being on lock down with two kids has it's challenges, especially going into the 4th week. However, I have managed to learn a few things as I struggled to maintain my sanity and my health. Y'all know my bride has gone off and left me on my own with a teenage daughter and a 7-year old Tooterman, so I have been surviving on Red Bull, Hot Pockets, and Great Value Ice Cream Sandwiches.


Life on lock down can get pretty boring and mundane so I have started entertaining myself by watching my children from a distance. I have learned quite a few things while partaking of this activity, so I thought I would pass along some of my new-found knowledge to you. I hope you enjoy.


I have learned that if you don't tell kids to take a bath, they will deliberately see how long they can go without washing their funky butts, even when the dogs refuse to play with them.


I have learned that if my 13 year-old Princess ever goes to prison and gets sent to Super-Max, she will be just fine. The prisoners there are kept locked in their cells for 23 out of the 24 hours in a day......in fact, she would probably get pissy when they try to get her to go out on the yard for her one hour.


I have learned that my 7 year-old can live off of pizza Luncheables and microwave White Castle hamburgers. Throw in a package of fruit snacks and he's golden.


I've learned that I should NEVER look under my daughter's bathroom sink.


I have learned that my son can play Fortnite, eat a bowl of cereal, aggravate his sister, and scratch all at the same time.


I've learned that my sweet, beautiful, tiny little girl can peel the freakin paint off the bathroom walls after eating ramen noodles just like her Momma!


I have learned that my son thinks the crack between his bed and the wall in his room is for dumping candy wrappers and potato chip bags.


I have learned to hide the candy and potato chips.


I have learned that earbuds won't become permanently attached to my daughters ears, even if she wears them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 17 weeks.


I've learned that you can completely RUIN your teenage daughter's entire life if you hide her earbuds while she is in the shower.


I've learned that my son can command an entire platoon of online gamers, and shame on that ass if one of them gets out of position!


And finally...


I have learned that the best way to raise your children so that they build a close, loving, strong bond with each other as brother and sister is to permanently separate them and dare them to ever come within 5 feet of each other again!


Stay safe. Stay Healthy. STAY HOME!





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