• Police Dad

Whose Idea Was It To Give Kids Breaks From School?


I love my babies more than I love breathing, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I will spend my very last penny to make sure they have what they need. I will go to prison if anyone hurts one of my little ones... but if this Christmas break had not ended today, I would seriously have moved myself to a homeless camp under a bridge in Dallas.

First of all, the school district lies okay, it is not a 2 week break, it was 19 FREAKIN' DAYS! Second, why, why would a school district have the kids come back on Wednesday!? That is absolutely ridiculous, and they only did it to torture those of us who were forced to stay at home with these little punks. Look here you I.S.D. people; I know they belong to me, but you made the decision to be a teacher, not me, so don't be dodging and postponing the inevitable....TAKE THEM BACK! I've got to have those 7 glorious hours of peace and freedom and I don't feel sorry for you one bit. Y'all agreed to take em and keep em five days a week so don't be playin!


I learned something these last 19 days.... my kids are assholes. I mean they really are! They're cute and all, but they are lazy, messy, and expensive. They eat the last cookie, chip, or bowl of cereal and they leave the empty package in the freakin pantry! Who does that? They do it on purpose. I know because I set up surveillance on their skinny little oatmeal pie eating asses. You see, what the deal is, is they know that daddy might want the last one so they snatch it and leave the box in there so when I find it, they can deny they ate it, and they think my old senile ass will not remember if I ate it or not. I'm on to them!

And they think they are sneaky and smarter than me when it comes to doing their chores. They just don't know. I wrote the book on getting out of chores! I told the little blonde one to vacuum the house and after a little bit I can hear the vacuum running, but there is no movement to the sound. I walk over and peek around the corner and the little shit has one hand holding the vacuum and the other playing freakin games on his Ipad!

I told the girl child to do the dishes and I went about something else, when I came back she was gone, the dishes were gone, and I know there is no way she could have finished that fast (I'm smart like that). I went and found her, sitting on the toilet with her phone because she's not supposed to take her phone in her room, and asked her about the dishes. She said "I did them, I put them in the dishwasher". My reply was "well you have to start the dang thing or they don't get wet!" So she hops up and runs in the kitchen and starts the dishwasher. As she is heading back to her phone throne I ask her "did you put any soap in there?". Back to the kitchen she goes to put soap in the dishwasher.

I can handle the empty snack boxes. I can handle the 12 step program to get every chore finished. But I cannot, not for one minute, stand the fighting and arguing. No amount of yelling or threatening bodily harm could put a stop to it, so I started getting creative. I made them sit on the couch together for 30 minutes, side by side, and dared one of them to say or do anything to the other. This worked pretty good, so I told them the next time would be for 1 hour. If that doesn't put a stop to it, my next step is to handcuff them together for 2 hours and put them in the backyard. May the strongest survive!

I try to learn something new in everything I do, and in every experience I have. Being stuck at home with these two Luncheable eating midgets has taught me one thing; it taught me the appeal of the vasectomy. A lesson I learned way too late obviously.


Now, y'all don't misunderstand me; I adore my baby crackheads, I really do. But these two have tested the limits of my tender loving emotions on a regular basis these last 19 days. They have jacked up my blood pressure to a level not seen since the time I was chased back to my patrol car by that pissed off Brahman bull. Come to think of it, the kids and the bull paid the exact same amount of attention to my demands....absolutely none.

The big angry bovine was easier to handle, we got to shoot him in the ass with a tranquilizer dart; however, through my training and experience I have learned that the State if Texas tends to frown on that sort of thing where kids are concerned. But, if they don't know about it.........nah, they are back at school anyway. I'll keep that in mind for summer break though.

Some days were better than others. The blonde one has some kids down the street that he plays with, but the problem there is that they are gone a lot of the time. When he doesn't have someone to play with, he finds true enjoyment in seeing just how insane he can make his sister before daddy starts yelling. I've got to hand it to the kid, he has mastered his art! He has put in the time and effort to finely hone his skill set and can pretty much have her ready to kill him in less than a minute and a half now. It got so bad, I went down the street and told those kids' mom that I would give her money if she would stop leaving the house with her kids. She has her own kid problems though; she has four of the damn things.

The girl child stays in her room for hours on end. I caught myself wondering what the heck she could be doing in there for hours, but soon came to my senses and realized that it's probably better that I don't know. I mean, she could be running a meth lab in there and selling it out her window for all I know.

Every once in awhile she will leave her room and head to the kitchen; probably to take the last dang Swiss Roll and leave the empty box there to drive her daddy to drinking.

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